A collection of weird discussions that I have with my nine-year-old son, taken from my blog and centralized in one downloadable location to be easily used against him when he is a teenager. Conversation topics include: God and hoodies, whether or not I killed the Thanksgiving turkey, rooting through the neighbor's recycling bin and discovering a Victoria's Secret catalog, anthropomorphizing food items while I'm cooking, butlers, how to get girls, and the kid's obsession with hot tubs.