This Book Has No Title

This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one per customer).


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Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Cupid, that chubby cherub love dispenser, is dead. But before he died, he appointed me his apprentice in love. I loved Cupid, and that was precisely why I killed him. I strangled him. Then I shot him 17 times with his heart-shaped arrows. Then I burned his body while I roasted and toasted marshmallows and toasted to the good times he brought to the world. Then I took his ashes and mixed them in cake batter and literally...

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It Occurred to Me

I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and 3% orange juice, for a chaser. That formula is accurate, give or take 2% for the milk. In my experience, comedy is 2/3rds tragedy, and one third 33.3 percent. And tragedy started at birth, so humor involving babies is probably the funniest. But even though I didn’t write anything about babies, you might laugh so hard...

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My love can only occupy one person at a time

This is the greatest book of love quotes written by someone over 6’2” tall and under 6’4” tall, who also loves cats, cuddling, and the smell of human suffering in the morning. 
If that sounds like someone you know, then you must know me, and since I only have two readers I’m going to take a guess and say you are my mom. Was I wrong? OK then, it must be you dad. 
Thanks for continuing my weekly allowance well into my...

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We Had A #Dream About You

"To Dream of You, Makes Me Laugh"This book of jokes will Schor make you laugh. One has to read these quirky dreams (aren't most dreams quirky?) with the right mind set. If you are a more serious type person, maybe this book will lighten you up! Brittany, I'm with you! I'm raising my arms overhead for better WiFi reception in my dining room! Now Ryan Lilly ... please don't think I'm giving you a bad review, I'm not. So, no tears, please!...

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The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary

Right versus wrong, good versus evil, and peanut butter versus jelly—these are just a few of the many eternal struggles this book tackles. 
But don’t worry, based on the NFL’s recent concussion scares, all this book’s characters were made to wear helmets before these hard-hitting issues were tackled. 
Some central questions will be answered, like:
Who is Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and why is he trying to take...

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